Posted in Midnight musings, Random

Sleepless nights #1

I don’t know what it is that keeps a person sane in this ever so maddening world. You wake up one day to realise that everything you believe in has been smashed to smithereens and you had been soundly asleep by then. Everyone expects you to “grow up” about it. Like nothing happened.

I and many others hate the word growing up. Why? What is happening. Why can’t we actually just grow up. I remember my 10th birthday. Getting a double digit in my age was an exciting experience. Growing up was exciting. There were dreams about growing up, taking up a job, living alone, surviving alone, maybe marrying someone you love. Going to holidays, laughing loudly making memories.

When did these simple things become too much too ask. Was an entire generation fed lies while growing up, why is there so much dissatisfaction.

Why have people, people you called/considered friends become evil. Why in a world with unlimited connectivity, there are more misunderstanding?

I want to know just where did I or everyone else who can relate to me go wrong. Why is it that we are facing trouble just being. Merely existing is such a big task, and no the answer to this inst death because I want to know what did I do wrong that I do not have the right to the life I wanted. Even after having almost everything why is there the crippling self-doubt always my only true friend.

Which brings me to the question where are my friends? Who are my friends? We were supposed to be each other’s guiding light, but now all I see is darkness and I am trying to desperately hold onto something but all I catch is air.

What happened exactly? Is it just me making things up, or something else? Who has the answers?

Please tell.

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One thought on “Sleepless nights #1

  1. Dear Sleepless Beauty,
    Mathematically speaking, I know that you think that the difference between your Imagined Life as compared to Real Life is vast. I also know that you wouldn’t accept my far fetched theorems of proving how you are wrong. Yes, things are fine, and things are not fine. There is a zest for things and then there is the inertia of not knowing where to begin from. There are too many things and too much overwhelming happening. And. There is no clarity whatsoever.
    Faith. And belief. And manipulating the heart into All is Well. But. Does it help?
    I’m sorry I am not making sense.
    I was listening to wo wala gaana raat ko, I’m a believer.
    You’re my, “then I saw her face, now i’m a believer, not a trace, of doubt in my mind”.
    http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/monkees/imabeliever.html
    So I don’t know what to believe in. But I believe in youu. I believe I believe I believe.

    Liked by 1 person

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