Today was a very sad day, for various reasons. One of those days when all you want to do is cry your eyes out. There is a catch in your throat but you can’t seem to do anything about it. I don’t want to get into the boring details of what it was that triggered such immense sadness – it was multiple things collected over days deciding today was the day when I have had enough. I remember the time when I was in first year of my college in 2012. Star world india started showing Grey’s Anatomy season 1. I was getting used to living all by myself in Delhi and I got hooked on the show. I got hold of all the seasons and watched it day in day out. Crying with the characters made it easier for me to cry uncontrollably. If there was something extremely devastating I would play it again and cry some more waiting for all the grief in my heart to find its escape. It was a comfortable ritual, crying with Grey’s Anatomy. Telling other people that the show made you very emotional. I remember this one episode when two best friends visit the hospital and how both of them have been together since birth and there was this “cradle to grave” thing that they kept on saying and the sick friend decides to stay with her parents in her last days and something on the same lines. I cried for half an hour extra after finishing the episode even more so because at that time I wasn’t getting along with my childhood friend. Even though our situation wasn’t remotely close. I found solace in some fictional character’s sadness.
Which brings me back to today. Today was a sad day and also a busy day. Things were okay at work, in addition to mental discomfort I was also in physical discomfort due to mild sickness.
Coming back home and lying on my warm bed was all that I needed to cry the day’s due. And I did, and with the tears came the images of many things of people, of things that happened in the last few days, of the things that happened in the last few years, of the terrible mistakes I’ve made, of death and the list can go on. I was crying but not with the intensity I had hoped and then I had an urge to watch Grey’s Anatomy again so that it can help me release the sadness cramped up inside me.