I am sitting in front of my laptop looking for words to write.
I have put my headphones on to add to the chaos that my mind is in. Like always I had a lot to say when I decided to write but now I cannot catch hold of one thought. This writing to myself or scribbling nonsense is becoming like a senseless exercise. Just like what I think my life has become, not that I do not like it. I sometimes do not say it enough, but I love my life, at least in this moment. I do not want to jinx it. But, it is nice and comfortable and it has green trees and blue and sunny skies. I am mostly happy too, or so I think.
I want it to be like this always and I fear that it will not be, why is it so?
What is it that makes me anxious about the future, and not just me everyone around? We are all doing something or the other, something that we want to do. We have access to everything that we want. I do not know. At times, it is comforting that you are not alone in feeling whatever you are, but mostly it feels that if no one could come out of it may I won’t as well. Are we all meant to be unhappy people wearing happy faces? What is it with this world?
Like I said me writing this out on the internet is my childish attempt to look for answers, maybe on my own or maybe with someone’s help. And until I get the answers, I will continue to sit in front of my laptop looking for words to write…