*first attempt at writing fiction*
I am on the terrace sitting on the mat that we have in our house for almost 15 years. It is torn at the edges and the colour is fading away. Casper is sitting with me, chewing on her smiley ball, she never leaves me alone. I have been trying to read Schindler’s list for some days now, but I am stuck at the 25th page, and cannot seem to move ahead.
I had planned to sit and read at least one chapter today, and then watch the sun set. I have been lying down here, doing nothing just watching the sky turn orange. The sun went down 20 minutes ago, and I don’t want to move an inch. I must go downstairs now. Sit with Mumma and help her in the kitchen.
I will go in another 10 minutes. It’s getting cold and I just have a sweatshirt. I pull Casper towards me and forcibly hug her. The smell of her shampoo engulfs me. I love this smell. Certain things that remind you of home, Casper’s smell is one of them. I can say I am the happiest right now. This; my time, when I am alone with my thoughts, I missed this in Mumbai. I hate free time there, I don’t know what to do. This is nice. I realized that I do this a lot, lying down on the terrace and just letting time pass. Ouch! My back hurts from lying on concrete, I should stretch myself. My sneakers are lying on one end of the terrace. I had scrubbed them nice and clean in the morning. The first thing Mumma said to me when I had reached home was that she wants to throw away my shoes. Now they are almost shining in the twilight. Look, a firefly, I haven’t seen one in so long. I still do not understand bioluminescence; I am 23 and a half now.
I know I am a fool to be emotional at times, but God this feels so nice. I have five more days at home, I am going to come up here every day. I think I won’t be able to read Schindler’s list this year also. It is a good book. Man Booker prize and all. All the intelligent people read it, why am I not able to?
I should have completed it the first time I picked it up. Days before by 19th birthday. I was an idiotic fool back then. God! I was in love and all. I haven’t thought of him in a while. Last I thought about him when I was contemplating whether I should send him a message on his birthday or not? That was 30th May. Now it is 23rd December. 7 months, I think the longest before he crossed my mind. And I used to think I would not be able to live without him. He was supposed to be the father of my children. Heh heh. I am a weird person.
I was on the terrace that day too. Wow! I was waiting for water works. I actually wanted to cry. Cry once at be done with it. But, nothing happened. Why? I have not cried once after that day. I did so many times before. I was going to marry him and all. If only I had told him that. But, I did love him. I still like to believe that we would have been wonderful together. Life never happens like you plan it, right? That day some switch went off, like I knew it was over and everything days before that. I was being delusional I guess to think otherwise? Even after not missing him for 7 months, I do not want to accept that there was nothing. Was there nothing? Did his eyes really lie? Was it not the love that was supposed to make everyone jealous? We were perfect together, were we not? I knew everything he had to say and he knew whatever I wanted to say. Some of the best days of my life are still with him. He was my best friend.
He is still special to me, I think. And I know where he is, but how is he? What does he do? Does he think about me? Not talking to him ever, was it a good decision? Wow! What am I thinking? Funny.
And I thought I had grown up these past years. I just bought my own car and everything. I thought that certified you as an adult. Anyway. It is too late now and I am cold. I should make a move. Great! Mumma has started chanting Nikhil Nikhil again, today only she was complaining to Mausi that I am not spending enough time with her. Stretching feels so good. When I stand on my toes I can touch the base of the water tank. 6 feet 1 inches, always proud of my height. Casper is also stretching herself, she is ready to move.
I know Mumma will shove pictures of random girls at my face for marriage. I am not even 24 yet, who gets married before 30 these days? How do I explain to her that I don’t want to get married? At least not now. How many times do I say NO? Come on Casper let’s go! Come on!