I am sitting in front of my laptop, trying to find words to write. I have to prepare for an exam that is tomorrow. The cluttered table in my room catches my attention more than the 7 tabs open on my laptop.
I have four diaries or journals in which I scribble things I want to in addition to this blog. My last entry was on 14th July 2015 in one and 23rd November 2015 in another with maybe one or two more rants penned down in between the two.
It is not like I have less to say, it is just my inability to express these days. My mind is as blank as the paper I stared at for a minute when I was trying to find something to write so that days later I can come back to this moment through my words.
This is the only form of time travel we have. When I read the lines, “I am just a girl, when will I become more?” that I had written in March last year, I go back to being the college going girl who worried about her career prospects and her purpose in the world. I still don’t know what it was that I wanted to write and what is the “more” that I am talking about. 11 months later, these feelings still echo in my mind.
After being trained for 6 months on how to write a copy that is grammatically correct, factually consistent, has a flow in the structure, I can say with little confidence that I write better than before, but do I express better?
Why am I at a loss of words? Why don’t they escape my mouth like they did?
I cannot keep asking myself questions which don’t have immediate answers.
I should rather ask, “where is my Indian Express? And why haven’t I read it till now? It is mid noon already.”
I know it will take time to find answers to my questions. Until then, I will continue to sit in front of my laptop and look for words to write…