I am sitting in front of my laptop, trying to find words to write. I did not have to go to work today. I spent the entire day in my bed. The sunshine entered my room through the balcony, and ever so often the trees in the park would brush against each other. I love the sound when the branches rub against each other. The birds came and sat on the railing, looking at me as if asking me why I was at home today.
Staring blankly at the scene in front of me, with no sound to be heard except for the birds and trees in between, seconds turned into minutes and minutes into hours.
I still do not know what exactly I want. I know one thing, I want to sit like this more, not always, not everyday. Just more.
I am mostly scared with the trajectory that my thoughts take when I do not have any work, but I want to feel the panic. I want to have the time to think about the things that I am not thinking. While trying to organise my desktop, I also stumbled upon the photos and videos from my graduation, which started another spell of nostalgia. I am always in this constant fix of missing the past and worrying about the future. It is a cliche, but I cannot help it and it is all right. I just want to stop thinking for a while and sit and keep looking outside my balcony.
I just want to be here- at right now. Nowhere else. Just at right now.
Until then, I will continue to sit in front of my laptop and look for words to write…