I am staring at my laptop screen trying to find words to write. Music is playing in the background, and I am trying to sing along with the songs, making up the lyrics to the parts I don’t know.
My leather jacket is lying next to me, I wore it the first time this year, the last time I did was when I went out with my college friends for lunch. The sun was bright, it was a beautiful day. I had a skip in my step. I was happy.
Even after a tiring day, I had not failed to place the jacket carefully on a hanger and safely inside my wardrobe. I had planned on wearing my leather jacket, my precious leather jacket, my gift to myself on my 19th birthday only on very special occasions. As the weather moved from cold to warm to cold again, I found lesser and lesser reasons to describe any occasion as special.
“If I do not wear my jacket now, I will never wear it,” I said to myself today, and took it out of hiding.
A year ago I would have not described today as “special” because the things and people I thought that qualified my day to be special did not exist in my life anymore.
But it was a good day. A productive day.
I even cut my finger nails using a nail cutter. The last time I did that was when I was in primary school and I had cut more nail than was required. I had bled a little. After that, I had only used my teeth to trim my nails, but today- I picked up the nail cutter and clipped my nails nice and short.
It surprised me that I was dealing with things in life.
Always in awe of the world- when life gives me reasons, however little, to be in awe of myself, I like it. So much. That I smile to myself, like Naina does in Kal Ho Na Ho.
Today was a good day. I played songs after so many days, listened to my friend’s favourite song on repeat and even found my favourite lines, “Oh love, will you be mine? I haven’t felt alive in a long time.”
Today was a good day. I ate McSpicy Chicken Burger from McDonalds, my favourite food item even after eating the meal every month, today after a long time.
Today was a good day. I read the entire Indian Express (except the edit and sports page) before the sun went down.
Today was a good day to wear the leather jacket.
I will hang it safely in my wardrobe and take it out again tomorrow.
As always, I continue to stare at my laptop screen trying to make sense of the words I have typed and the things that I have to say, hoping someday my words actually say something worthwhile, until then I will continue to stare at my laptop and look for words to write…